Healing My Family Through Meditation

I believe that difficult relationships come into our lives for a reason. I consider them to be our biggest teachers and opportunities to grow. The stress and discomfort they generate within us can be so painful that were left with no other option than to change and evolve to feel better.

In my case, those closest to me have challenged me the most and pushed me to my limits. I struggled for many years with one family relationship in particular — until it became the catalyst of a profound inner transformation.

Inheriting Family Drama

From a young age, I developed an aversion to a certain family member, and as one does, I blamed him for all the uncomfortable emotions I felt around him. Throughout the years, I had filled my mind with assumptions and judgments about him based on other people’s perceptions of him.

Without knowing it, I had internalized the opinions that other family members had of him as if they were my own, and I had developed negative feelings toward him as if he had wronged me personally. The result was that I felt enormously anxious and irritated whenever he was around, and I spent years trying to avoid him as much as possible.

Once I started meditating and realized that my thoughts didn’t always tell me the whole truth, I became suspicious of my negative emotions toward him. I made the conscious decision to take a step back and see where these emotions were stemming from.

This is where my mindfulness practice was key.

As I sat each day to meditate, I noticed that deep-rooted conditionings bubbled to the surface whenever this person came to mind. They manifested in uncomfortable body sensations, followed by equally uncomfortable emotions such as frustration and anger.

Developing Compassion

After much practice and many painful episodes on my meditation cushion, I could sit with those emotions and observe them with a neutral mind. I was finally ready and willing to stop identifying with them and see them for what they were: other people’s opinions of this person, ingrained into my subconscious.

These beliefs were the ones causing a cascade of physical emotions that made me uncomfortable and stressed out at the very thought of him.

When I understood this, I also realized that this person wasn’t as bad as I thought. Just like me, all he wanted was to feel loved and safe. And just like me, he wasn’t able to achieve this because he was constantly reacting to automatic negative thoughts and emotions within his body and mind.

I realized that I, too, had hurt people in the past and made them feel stressed and uncomfortable, so he and I were no different. We were both just doing our best with the information we had at the time.

I realized that I, too, had hurt people in the past and made them feel stressed and uncomfortable, so he and I were no different. We were both just doing our best with the information we had at the time.

These insights in my daily meditation practice helped me forgive him and start enjoying the things about him that had previously annoyed me. Now I’m able to laugh with him and have a good time when we’re together. As it turns out, we have many things in common!

Of course, it makes me sad that I missed out on spending time with him for so long because I could not see him for who he was, but I’m glad that I could finally transcend those inner stories, thanks to my mindfulness practice.

Our Greatest Teachers

It’s easy to go on a yoga retreat or meditate for a few minutes every morning and feel complete inner peace and calm. But when you return to the spaces where your buttons are pushed, the actual spiritual practice begins. Relationships like mine can be painful, but they are also deeply beautiful and necessary because we wouldn’t grow without them.

I know that without this chapter of my life, I would have never developed the levels of calm, empathy, and compassion that I have today. I probably wouldn’t even be a meditation teacher because I wouldn’t have had to work so hard on healing my family wounds. I’m grateful that I learned valuable lessons through the pain and gained a friend.

Try this free mini class, Self-Compassion Meditation to Relax, by mindfulness teacher Lisa Kring, to cultivate a kind relationship with yourself, and others.