Is it bad that I felt relieved when my spouse died?

When a relationship is complicated, or it isn't going well, or perhaps there's been emotional or physical abuse within the relationship, when the spouse dies, you feel sadness and you feel the loss. But it's very complicated. The best way to cope with that is to really honor all of those things. You might not be able to spend time thinking about good qualities of a person who you weren't getting along with. That may be difficult for you and that's okay. 

Whatever it is that we feel when we're grieving is what we feel and that's what we need to process.

When my brother died, he had fought cancer very gracefully for 8 years. And when he was at "the end" I could tell. And although it is impossible to truly be prepared I felt relieved. I had actually told him at one point that it was "ok to go". I miss him terribly but I am glad that he is not suffering or not being able to live his best life. I felt the same way about my Grandma.