How do I go on after the death of my spouse?

First, I would encourage you to really deeply mourn, to really feel what the loss of that person is, and, as hard as it is, to just really dive into it and experience it. One of the things I did is I felt like I had to process our marriage because I suddenly wasn't married anymore. That was really hard for me. So I actually did a timeline process where I looked at our whole life together. I got to really celebrate the wonderful things that happened. And acknowledge the things that weren't so great because relationships always have those ups and down moments. 

You can remind yourself of how the relationship shaped you, you can remind yourself of your spouse's good qualities and the things that you did together in your shared life. And then you can find ways to bring those qualities into your own life. I call my work the Karuna project because my husband wrote that word on the top of all his letters; it means compassion for all. So every time I use that word, I'm trying to highlight compassion for myself and for people who are grieving, but I'm also bringing him into my daily activities. 

Then also find supportive people who will listen to you when you're feeling low or maybe just sit with you to give you comfort. And, if you like you can engage in some creative activities. You can journal or write letters to your spouse to feel the connection. You also might be able to use the journal to say some things that you missed. Maybe there are things you wish you'd been able to say. But now that they're not here, you can't say it to them. You can do that in a journal. 

I also think it's important to feel gratitude for the shared life and gratitude for how the relationship has changed you and gratitude that you're still alive even though you might feel really lost and sad.

Part of going on is going through. After the death of my spouse, I allowed myself to grieve and grieve fully. At times, this was excruciating but necessary and helpful to process the enormity of my loss. I sought help from professionals and joined a grief support group. I began meditating daily. I followed my intuition and allowed myself space to heal, freedom from guilt, and time for self-care. Truth be told - it took almost two years before I felt like a functioning human being again. That being said - the grieving process is different and unique for everyone and will vary accordingly. My hope for anyone suffering the loss of a spouse would be to remember that it is a process: an ebb and flow of overwhelming emotions that when confronted and not avoided can provide space to grieve and heal.

After going through the experience and processing the loss of my spouse, I realized the ultimate way to honor him (and what I feel he would truly want for me) was to go on living a happy and fulfilling life. I still think about him daily and very often bittersweet memories arise but I’ve now reached a place where the bitterness is greatly outweighed by the sweet...and thus, I go on.