Does talking about death help reduce the fear of it?

Talking about death can help the fear of it. However, there's no one emotional map that you can draw around death, much like there's no one emotional map for love. Talking about death can in some instances make you more fearful of it in the same way that talking about love can make you more fearful of love. If you can remember that fear is normal and it's ok to feel it, then you're more likely to experience love through that fear.

When I first started the show, The Adventures of Momento Mori, my hypothesis was that the more you confronted it, the less significant it becomes. And what I found was, that's not entirely true. The fear of death is frightening. It's frightening, and it doesn't go away. Nor do I think it should. It’s an evolutionary advantage to have fear and to feel pain. That's what keeps us going. 

So talking about death doesn't make the fear go away but what it does, or has for me, is enable you to be hyper-aware of life. Having that awareness allows you to walk through life with the advantage of intention. By being present. It doesn't make anything go away or less scary. It doesn't make me embrace the fact that I’m going to die and act accordingly. 

I wish I could live Carpe Diem and run up and down the street in ultimate bliss all the time, but that's just not my life. Instead, it allows me to have some clarity on the truth. It’s a powerful tool to peel away the layers of the onion of the narratives that we tell ourselves that ultimately are false. So this confrontation of death and talking about it is powerful because it makes life more real.

When you talk about your own death or that of a loved one, you are likely to experience 'anticipatory grief'. In other words, you start the process of grieving sooner, but in a context where you still have the ability to do something about it. This has been shown to reduce the gravity of the grief following the loss. So if the fear is related to the pain that will be caused after the loss, then yes, talking about it can help.

Expressing thoughts and feelings about death can help us move through the fear of it. Talking about it is a practice of investigating and interrogating that sense of uncertainty and dread. It’s also a step that helps us prepare for death and create a plan that feels supportive for ourselves and our families and friends.