Can I plan my funeral or memorial before I die?

A Jewish funeral has a flow of ritual and prayer that are traditionally done. It is not uncommon for someone, before they die, to express what details they want to include in their funeral - like which Rabbi they want and who they want to speak. They might also choose music or images to share. Traditionally a Rabbi gives the eulogy so that the family does not need to have the pressure of speaking and can just be in the feelings of grief and mourning. It is now becoming more common that family members feel they want to speak at a funeral and they can do so..

Absolutely. More and more people are planning how they want their loved ones to celebrate the end of their life or to mourn the end of their life or both. It has become much more common for people to celebrate in their own fashion rather than ways that have been set by religious authorities. That's ok, too, for those who want it, of course. It's just more common now than in the past for people to choose their own way of how they want their life to be celebrated.

Yes, but there are pros and cons. You might ask yourself why that feels important. Are you trying to reduce the burden or spare those who are going to be left behind? If so, you might consider that it's the nature of being human that we burden each other. I've said to my own mother, when she says she doesn't want to be a burden in old age, "Well, if you hadn't been burdened by me when I was an infant, I wouldn't be alive today."

Consider some of the healing power for those who will find their way to remember you, honor you, memorialize you after your death. Don't take that away from them through your own desire to plan your own funeral or memorial. On the other hand, it can be a tremendous gift for those left behind to have some guidance, to have some sense that you have thought about them and that you are still joining with them by leaving some indication of some of the elements that might serve well in memorializing you after your death. 

Planning your own funeral and memorial can also be a great way to befriend your own eventual death, whether it's in the near term because you have a diagnosis or simply because you understand that you are a mortal human being who will die. Thinking about what happens after you die and the circumstances around your death can be a way to incorporate the reality of your mortality. On the other hand, we in the West are very much socialized to be self sufficient, to be very individualized. 

Historically, all of us come from cultures where death rites and rituals were really collective. Community affairs strengthen the capacity of people to go on. So I'd say beware of anything that feels too much like reaching out from beyond the grave to manage everything after you go because you don't trust others to do it. These are just some considerations for whether or not, or how much you feel it's important, to plan your own funeral and memorial before you die.