Are you afraid of dying?

There's part of me, that I would perhaps call the reptilian part, that would say 100% yes. It's unknown and it is an end, so there's the fear of the unknown. But there's another part of me that says, no not really. I don't know if there is, but I like to believe that there's more, that things don't end, that the second you leave one room you enter another. I believe there are things that are so far beyond our understanding and so infinitely immense that it just seems entirely reasonable and conceivable that there is something else. But at the same time, even if there wasn't, life and death is through a process and there's a certain beauty in it. So there's part of me that is deeply afraid and a part of me that has no fear at all. They both cohabitate in my head.

It has to do with accepting that it's a full circle part of life. Know that the fear of the unknown is natural. Stop thinking about when, where or how you'll die. Practice death meditations and consider a living funeral.

I could sit and armchair this, and I would be an effin liar. I was recently told that I had cancer, and that was a couple weeks ago. And I can tell you my initial response, because when you hear cancer, you hear death, of course, was I just said, Hmm. I knew this was coming. I didn't think would be so soon. And that was my initial response. And that was my kind of inherent response. And that can't be faked. You have to face that. 

So I know I think deep inside I accept death. But if I think about myself leaving, if I think about myself not being here, it makes me sad because I won't be able to continue to try to do the right things I need to do in this world. And so there's a sadness and death. But there's also an acceptance, that this is the way it is. And I have to learn to give up everything I have, including my own body, my own mind,and let it go, and I'm willing to do that. And in guiding people I have to have that resolve. Because how can I tell someone, "it's okay to let go," if I don't believe it myself.

After a long career as a doctor and sitting at the bedside of hundreds of dying patients, including my own mother, I no longer have a fear of death. I know that death is a passage into the unknown, but I trust that it can be a peaceful process when we have prepared ourselves and lived our best lives. My focus is on how I live in each moment so that when death comes, I can let go of this life feeling satisfied that I have done my best with what I have been given. Through my experiences with the dying I have a sense that death is the end of the physical existence but not of the soul and I approach that transition with curiosity and wonder rather than fear.

If I focus on the living, then the death is just a moment - more of a living-focused way of thinking or conversation than a dying one. I used to be more freaked out about death than I am now because I know a lot more and think a lot more about it. But it doesn't make it any less scary or hard to come to grips with. I am working on shifting the focus to be less about dying, and more about an amazing enjoyment and fulfillment of life, savoring every moment.

This is sort of a cliché answer, but I don’t feel so much afraid of death as afraid of how I might die. I also feel tension around not having the chance to live a full life, and around saying goodbye to my favorite people.

I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of leaving my children. I've spent a lot of time in my life working really hard to understand death, to think about it, and really embrace it. And while there's a lot of it that I feel very comfortable with and not afraid of, I do have a deep fear of not getting to see my kids grow up and not getting to be here for them when they need me.

Of course my body is afraid to die. I used to have a deep fear of flying. I got over it and like to fly now. But the minute that plane starts bouncing, my body says no. The organism is alert to danger all the time. I do react with fear to threats and the idea of dying, in the moment.

But I'm really curious about the actual process of dying. I'm curious about who I'm going to be in that process. I was really sick recently, and turned into a whiny little baby. I thought I was not being a very good dying person, and that we need to practice what it's like. I'm curious about whether I will be graceful. I think it is a religious practice to be prepared to die and part of it is the grace, the willingness to be this person.

I’m not afraid of the actual moment of death, but that doesn't mean I don't want to live and live and live. I do. I enjoy this life—and I'm aware that it's limited. There will come a time when there's something else I'm doing. I just hope it's not on an airplane.